Turning One
A year ago today, I was exactly 41 weeks pregnant, when after my morning workout, while making breakfast I told Cesar I had these funny little contractions that didn’t really stop. “Braxton Hicks, I’m sure.” But after a bit of time, it slowly, very slowly began to sink in what was happening… my labor had begun.
It was the most surreal, supernatural experience of my life. I labored peacefully at home for 6 hours before my doula arrived. I’m so grateful to say, that in the beginning, it was slow and gentle. Soft and at ease. I had built up so much anticipation wondering “what would it be like?” and here it was, happening totally unassumingly, and what felt like all of a sudden.
It’s a quiet thing.✨
My body felt waves that continued to grow, and eventually (when my water broke) we were in new waters that changed the tide. A story that I’ll save for another time. I arrived at the hospital 9cm + 80%, but things did not go as quick as you’d imagine.
In my life, there is before and after this moment - my water breaking at home. This is the moment when everything changed and knew I was in a new land now. One where there is no seeing the ground beneath you ever again. In labor but in this exact moment I knew - this is motherhood too. There is no ground beneath you— you *are* the ground. You must become it, build it, shape it, tend it, and steady it, too. In this moment I felt ripped out to sea and I knew, there is no going back. And while at times I wished otherwise, no one could do this for me - only I could birth this baby out. It was scary. It was primal. And instinctual. And I turned inward listening to my intuition more than I had ever before. With my doula’s support, my Cesar who not for a second left my side, 24 hours (+ 3hrs of pushing), an Angel and a few miracles later, it led me to bring my boy home.
Tomorrow he turns one, and he is the same now as he was when he grew inside me. He is just so… Romeo. The most fully himself person I’ve ever known, only as he grows the fabric of him becomes more & more vibrant.
It was the honor (and feat) of my life bringing him from heaven to earth. And now it’s my great joy watching him grow.
Happy Birthday my darling, Romeo James.
Loving you feels like home. 💛